On a Personal Note
And, the FBI responds to my inquiry.
May 24, 2024
“Why are you writing this?”
I’d stopped to visit my mom on Mother’s Day. It had been far too long since I’d seen her, and I was in town for my daughter’s soccer tournament. Her question to me was direct but fair. None of us live in a vacuum, and our decisions and stories are interwoven. It can be difficult to speak your truth without the ripples running up on other’s shores.
I was reminded of an earlier conversation with a friend who gave me some advice about a recurring pattern they’d seen in my life: “You judge yourself by your intentions—others judge you by your actions.” As an attempt to avoid this from repeating here, perhaps I should let you in on my intentions with this writing project that you’ve been kind enough to follow.
Yesterday, I grabbed coffee with a friend. She described a time when someone she knew—perhaps dated—introduced her to a conspiracy theory. She indulged him, watching about three hours of videos on how 9/11 was an inside job. While he sat anxiously awaiting her response, hoping for a shared epiphany, she was left with more questions than answers and remained unconvinced. Her deeper question was for him: “What does all this mean for your life?”
The man responded that this was evidence of why he couldn’t get ahead. There were dark influences at play preventing him from achieving his goals and reaching his dreams. He felt enslaved on this prison planet. My friend saw the situation differently, thinking, “The problem… is you.”
We’ve all heard the expression, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” That was me, for years—pissed off. I didn’t want to know all this. I liked my life as it was. I wanted things to go back to normal. The further down the rabbit hole I slid, the more I discovered how mundane the drivers of conspiracies were. They magnified sexual impulses, hunger for power, feelings of lack, separateness, and inadequacy, and deep-seated pain from unresolved trauma at scale. The shadowy forces running the world were not only out there—they were in here taps temple.
For decades after Suriname and my mother’s revelations, that was me—a modern-day Don Quixote, jousting at conspiratorial windmills. I wanted to find the bad guys, track them down, and bring them to justice. No one knew that my erratic life was all one big love letter to my mother—but no one could have known, because people judge us by our actions, not our intentions.
It took me decades to realize what I was doing. Years spent researching government mind-control programs, subliminal techniques used by advertisers, the laws of influence and power, and how cults are formed helped me understand just how easy we humans are to manipulate. I was no different. Here I was, in my 30s, a walking, talking trauma response, trying to heal myself and others in a veiled attempt to regain control.
“Okay, we get it, Matthew. You did all of this research because you were hurt, but why now? Why are you still committed?”
Short answer: I love it—hidden truths, lost stories, and the thrill of the hunt—these are a few of my favorite things. Plus, I’m good at it, and it gives me a sense of purpose.
Longer answer: Remember the chapter about hatching the sea turtle in Suriname? I’d read “Horton Hatches the Egg” by Dr. Seuss and believed I could hatch a sea turtle. Continuing the theme of childhood beliefs derived from a Seussian vein were two other books in the Whoville series, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” and “Horton Hears a Who!” One was about a character who had to learn to feel again, to return to his heart. The other revolved around Horton’s efforts to protect life on a tiny speck of dust, which turned out to be a tiny planet inhabited by the Whos, living in Whoville.
What was most memorable about Whoville was not Horton’s efforts, but a tiny character named Jojo whose tiny “Yopp!” finally breaks through and makes the other animals hear the Whos, thus saving Whoville from destruction. Jojo reminds me of a later protagonist I read about, a philosophy professor in Jean-Paul Sartre’s “Roads to Freedom” trilogy. His name was Mathieu, who eventually had to choose between an ivory tower life of academia or taking up arms in resistance against the Nazis. We all must eventually choose.
This project is about me taking action. When I decided to write this story, I dealt with the feelings most artists or writers encounter—feelings of insignificance, self-doubt, and fear. “Who are you to tackle such a project? You’re not a writer! Why would anyone care about some obscure plot in a tiny tropical country 40 years ago?” I was also overwhelmed by everything happening in our world. Then, I thought of Jojo. We live in a time where invisible forces still reign supreme. The macrocosm of hidden hands in our world is mirrored by our own microcosmic drives. I’d like to look back on this time and say that I lent my voice to Whoville.
Back to our story. This was an exciting week research-wise. I received a document in the mail. It was a CD-ROM from the FBI answering my Freedom of Information Act request for all the FBI and US Customs records on the surveillance work done in the Tommy Lynn Denley case. And what I found on that document was a goldmine. Instead of telling you about it—because who (besides you all) reads anymore—I decided to bring you along with me to the library, where I take my first peek inside what lies within the FBI files.
If this were a three-act play, the curtain just fell on Act II with the failed invasion of Suriname by Tommy Lynn Denley. As we prepare to hit the final homestretch, I need your help. I’m trying to figure out what’s working and what’s not with this project. Where do I lose you in my writing? What parts do you love? What seems less important?
I’ve had people tell me that it would make a good graphic novel, while others suggest it would be best as a documentary or a podcast. I see this as a rough draft. Because this is untold history, I am trying my best to gather all the facts related to this case and assemble them for the first time here on Substack for all the world to see and evaluate for themselves.
After that is complete, what comes next is still up in the air. That’s where I could use your feedback. What do you think would be the best next steps? A book, podcast, something else? Also, do you know anyone who might have pertinent information on this topic that I should be talking to? Or, are there those in the publishing, academic, or production world who might be interested in collaborating on such a project?
My goal is to focus on gathering the nectar for now, and I hope that leads to cross-pollination at some point in the future, but even if it doesn’t, I’m having a great time.
As a final note, I don’t just write about South American takeovers! My primary areas of interest are matters of spirituality and philosophy. I do quite a bit of writing on Medium. Feel free to head over and subscribe. Also, I have a YouTube channel. Just last week, I was invited to join a Distinguished Gentleman’s motorcycle ride with my buddy Rob—a wild character who lived next door to the Manson family, rode dirt bikes on Ronald Reagan’s land, attended BBQs with Ollie North, and tagged along with his father as he met with Howard Hughes about flying.
Enjoy Memorial Day. My gratitude to all who have served and thanks again for following along!